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Jessi Sanfilippo shared The Tilt Shifts Reality on August 23, 2012.
It’s no surprise that I’ve gone through some physical changes and struggles with my weight. These changes came not from the growth of a miniature human, because ten days on the breast, the swift passing of a gall stone, and the lingering metabolism of my early twenties had me back in pre-babe shape by week two. I’d duck and cover, but there are women still hiding under the table after giving birth that will call me an asshole, too.
No, the addition of the ell bees can be contributed to the cocktail of medications I was prescribed to treat my mental instabilities. The bi-polar, the anxiety, the insomnia. Those bastards set up shop with no intention of fleeing without first leaving their mark. My tiger stripes can attest that they did their job well. Someone get those fuckers a medal.
Now that I’ve clawed my way (mostly) out of the pits of depression hell and have found myself in the happiest place I’ve found myself in years, I’m kicking those scoundrels to the curb and regaining my body in the process.
Weight gain is one thing. Weight gain riding on the coattails of mental duress makes for a whole new ball game when it comes time to shed the physical effects. It takes a strength that, for the longest of times, you were convinced you’d never possess. Pushing the mute button on the internal dialogue of self destructive commentary was and is the hardest part. Letting the positive personal reinforcement trump the eternal doubt is tough too, but surrounding myself with the support and accountability I need has made every ounce of difference.
Yesterday I posted a photo on instagram about almost being there. Back to the size and shape I know “fits” me best. Healthy, confident, and satisfactory is all I desire. I need not be thinspired nor waiver on the brink of being an American statistic. I just need to fit in MY skin.
So I urge you, if you’re struggling with physical manifestations of your mental and emotional turmoil, that you know you’re not in this battle alone. Please always feel free and safe reaching out to all of us here. You can do this.
Just make sure you tilt shift your best assets.