Owning My Reflection (Again)

This post originally appeared on Aspiring Mama in January of 2013. Funny how some things change and others remain the same. I don’t promise to be perfect. I don’t pretend to be anything other than flawed – a continual work in progress. Today wasn’t so great. Tomorrow, I get to try again when the sun wakes up.

See this?

See my reflection full of curves and soft places that serve to comfort my child and turn on my husband even when I can’t see past the cellulite and society’s ideals?

Good.

Know that I feel good when I focus on nothing but that: how I feel.

Fuck the scale. Screw the BMI. And to hell with what anyone else thinks. If I feel good, I also feel worth my own efforts to treat myself right, eat right for MY body, go snow shoeing the 1/2 mile total to and from the mailbox in three-foot deep unpacked snow instead of driving because it’s fun, not because I have to exercise. Take the focus off of how I feel and put it on meeting goals and keeping resolutions and pressure to make good on promises doesn’t do anything but backfire.

Always. Why? Because it’s like putting a band-aid on a wound so deep you need stitches. Pretty soon, you need another band-aid and then pretty soon you run out.

Maybe this isn’t good enough because according to the BMI scale I happen to be a fatass and the insulin resistance and hypothyroidism aren’t doing me any favors.

Maybe you think I just need to eat less and exercise more. Maybe you think this is all just a creative excuse to stay fat and my attempt to convince the world that obesity is the way to go because that’s obviously what I’m promoting. Maybe…

You can think what you want. But guess what? It’s my brain that tells my eyes how to react to the body they see in the mirror. So you can think what you want because if the size of my ass ruins your day, that’s on you. I’m too busy waking up every day working on loving this body to worry about the inside of your head, too.

Say it with me, readers: My reflection. My perception. Nothing.Else.Matters.

Just The Way We Are.

Now say it again. Stop when you believe yourself. I’ll be waiting.

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